Babywearing: The Next Generation
There is something so sweet about watching our older children mimic our parenting style with their younger siblings. When our second child was born, our oldest was only two years old and while she was very sweet with her new baby brother, she mostly just politely ignored him. I did catch her gently rocking and lifting her shirt to nurse her favorite stuffed duck occasionally. When our third was born, she was five and she was definitely more interested, but still mostly preferred to “mother” her dolls carrying them around in doll slings and such, than her real live baby brother. This last time around though, has been different. At seven, she is interested and physically strong enough to care for her new baby sister. She helps with diaper changes, she confidently hikes Julia onto her hip and just yesterday, asked to wear Julia on her back. I reflexively said no and then reconsidered. Why not? I would supervise and she had been asking me for several months to try. So she did (see photo) and I was tickled.
I guess before I had more than one child it never occurred to me how much the baby gets from having older siblings. Everyone talks about the benefits to the older child. You are getting a playmate! You’ll be a big sister! But, wow, the baby benefits too! I mean, Julia positively glows when her big brothers and sister appear. We call her “the luckiest baby” for having three older siblings. Her every sound and cute little motion is quickly responded to. She has a built in audience when she notices the fan and starts moving her arm in a circle. Three little voices notice and start to encourage her.
I remember vaguely feeling a bit sorry for my first born when our second arrived, imagining the reduced amount of parental attention she would get – imagining that she would somehow be sitting around pining for my attention when my hands would be full with a new baby. While this was certainly somewhat true for the first few months, once the baby was a bit older the tables turned a bit and she and her younger brother became a inseparable and played together constantly… much more than I would have been able to manage – even with my best effort. I mean, my patience for playing tea and reading toddler books is, shall we say, definitely finite. Heck, these days I have to fight for my time with the older ones, they are so self-sufficient with each other. I had completely underestimated how much she would be getting!
How about you? If you have more than one child, what have your experiences been like? Has the reality been what you expected?
Posted: September 8, 2008 | by
Filed under: Uncategorized |
Getting Dad into the Game
I often hear new moms tell me they are pumping so that dad can give the new baby a bottle. Over and over I hear that they want dad to feel involved and feeding an infant a bottle is just the way to do it.
As the mother of four, this seems redundant to me. My motto is always to prioritize and simplify. If you are nursing your baby, feeding the baby is not a task that needs doing by someone else. You pretty much have that one covered… and you can accomplish it while ostensibly sitting down and thumbing through a magazine or checking your e-mail. In my world, that means nursing is a baby duty I am happy to do! To let someone else feed the baby actually means more work for me, not less, as I have to figure out a time to pump when the two-year old does not tug at the machinery and what the heck do you do with a crabby newborn while you use both hands to juggle the pump anyways? Such a production!
So then, where does that leave dad? And older siblings? And grandparents? And everyone else who wants a piece of that delicious baby-care pie? Fear not, new babies are nothing if not, how can I put this graciously, full ’o needs. Even when mama is taking care of 100% of the feeding needs, baby still needs changing, bathing, dressing and holding. There are still plenty of baby-care duties that can be delegated and provide those special moments for bonding… tasks that actually need doing.
Send dad off on a walk with a well-fed, drowsy baby in a soft baby carrier and put your feet up and enjoy 20 minutes to yourself. Dad gets to bond with the new baby, dad feels competent because babies are generally content nestled in a soft carrier. Win- win! Let older siblings be in charge of choosing the outfit for the day, or singing to the baby during diaper changes. Grandparents can bathe and cuddle the new baby. There is never a shortage of baby care duties. And, hey, if someone really, really still wants to feed the baby, no worries, in 6 to 8 months, baby will happily accept cheerios, banana and avocado from just about anyone.
Breastfeeding can be intense the first few months. The nursing relationship between mama and nursling can seem exclusive. How have you included other members of your family in baby bonding time outside of the nursing relationship?
Posted: September 8, 2008 | by
Filed under: Newborn, babywearing, grandparents, mother of 4 |
The Sling Fairy
I have often wished that I had a plentiful, varied, bottomless stash of soft baby carriers that I could give away to each and every parent or caregiver who wanted and needed one, a sort of a Sling Fairy, if you will. Here is who I would give them to:
- To the mama at the mall, balancing an infant on her hip, pushing an empty stroller ahead of her and trying to get through the mall double doors.
- To the playful dad at the park who is clutching a newborn like a football and attempting to run and chase his preschooler.
- To the overwhelmed mom at the grocery store who keeps shoving a pacifier into the mouth of her increasingly angry, screaming newborn who is buckled into a car seat carrier which is perched on the grocery cart.
- To the couple hiking through the woods whose child is getting weary of the stroller.
- To the new grandmother who is handed her tiny grandchild and is wishing for a sure-fire way to comfort her.
- To the professional who is attending a business conference with her 9 week old nursling in tow.
- To the family traveling with two children under the age of 2 whose stroller is just broken beyond repair by the airlines.
These are all people I have seen and wished I could have helped, but also, each one of these scenarios was also ME or my family and I did in fact whip out my sling or other soft baby carrier and put it to good use! Do you have an example of when you were thanking your lucky stars you had brought along your soft baby carrier?
Posted: July 14, 2008 | by
Filed under: Pouch, babywearing, ring sling |
Permission to Parent?
Is it just me or is our society ridiculously quick to expect moms and babies to separate? It seems to me that our cultural norm dictates that mothers need “alone time” that can only be meaningful if they do not have a baby or small child along. In my experience with mainstream culture, even “mom type events” as a rule are expected to be child free. We moved to a new city when my oldest was ten months old and I reached out to many different groups looking for companionship (Moms and More, Mom’s Book Club, Moms group through my husband’s residency…) and over and over the expectation and the norm was that moms and babies would be separated. Awful!
It just seemed so silly to me. I mean small babies nestled peacefully in a sling are just so portable! How silly to not be with my baby just so I could have adult companionship.
And really, all it takes is a nasty look or a snide comment to completely derail a now mom’s confidence and make her feel unwelcome. Yuck. Since when do we need permission to remain with our babies and small children?
I am so grateful that all API and La Leche League functions welcomed my babies and children and I am sad that this is even an issue in our society. Of course moms and babies belong together. How absurd to suggest otherwise.
Posted: July 14, 2008 | by
Filed under: Uncategorized |
Torso? Of Cours-o
Q: Can you teach me to wear my baby on my back in a Torso Carry?
A: Sure can. Let me tell you why I love the Torso Carry. If you have never tried a torso carry (fabric is wrapped exclusively around your torso excluding the shoulders entirely) you are in for a treat. This wonderful position is exceptionally comfortable. Baby rides a bit lower on your back than some other back carries and ends up riding essentially on the top of your bum. Baby’s bottom is lower than his knees for optimal hip abduction. Baby’s arms can be tucked in the fabric or out (as in the above picture).
Because torso carries do not involve the shoulders, this is a great carry for people with neck or shoulder trouble. Quick and comfortable, you are going to love this carry. You can use many different pieces of cloth for this carry. Here are some ideas: a wraparound carrier, a podaegi, an extra-long Rebozo, a thin beach towel, or a Simple Piece of Cloth, with the dimensions and features which I described here.
Here is how I got my 8-month-old on my back: Start with baby on your hip. Lean to the side and scoot her back as far as possible. Bring your arm up and over baby’s head and catch her under the bum. Remain leaning forward and make your back flat like a table. Hop her around to your back until she is straddling the center of your back, piggy back style.
Then you just need to wrap the carrier around you and baby. In this series, I am using a woven Gypsymama wrap. This is very similar to how we wrap ourselves in a towel (tuck under our armpits and roll) except that you will be leaning forward and you will be including a baby.
Start by holding your fabric in the center and pulling it up and over baby’s back. The top edge should be at baby’s neck, bottom edge at baby’s knees. Hold the top edge taut (to hold baby in place) and pull the fabric straight forward and tuck one side way under your armpit. Tuck the other side under your other armpit and then gather both edges together and ROLL the fabric across the front. This top edge roll must be tight with baby flush against your back. Tuck the bottom edge under baby’s bum, bringing it forward with the fabric under baby’s knees (feet should be out), bum lower than knees.
At this point baby is pretty secure and you just need to finish up with the bottom edges. I usually just cross them over each other, do a U-turn and then tuck them up under the front. If the ends are quite long, you always have the option of crossing them back around baby and then tucking them up under in front. It does not really matter how you choose to finish, the success of this carry comes from a secure top edge roll.
Posted: July 14, 2008 | by
Filed under: GypsyMama, Torso carry, Wraparound |
Babywearing Improv
Q: Soft baby carriers look so simple. Do I really need to buy one? Couldn’t I just use what I already have or make my own?
A: Yes, absolutely. The most basic baby carrier is a Simple Piece of Cloth which can be made in to a tie sling, a torso carrier or a wraparound carrier. You may already have a suitable piece of fabric on hand (think shawls, sarongs, large scarves, sheets, tablecloths…) You can go to your local fabric store or even most discount stores and choose your own fabric for a few dollars.
Your fabric needs to be at least 25 inches wide and should be mostly cotton, breathable, resilient, washable, and preferably have a bit of diagonal give. Try not to get fabric that is too thick or you will have trouble tying it. Cotton mesh fabric works well. Follow this general guideline for fabric length: For a tie sling or a torso carry, most people need about 2.8 yards, for most wraparound positions, choose between 4.6 yards (up to 140 lbs and 5’8”), 5 yards (up to 180 lbs and 6’ tall) and 5.5 yards (over 180 pounds and 6 feet tall).
Take your carefully selected, measured Simple Piece of Cloth and have some fun. If you have a short piece (about shawl size), wear your older baby (6 months plus) in the hip carry in a tie sling. You may also want to try the torso carry (fabric is wrapped exclusively around your torso excluding the shoulders entirely). Check out this great video from Tracy at www.wearyourbaby.com of 3 month old baby Charlie on his sister’s back in the Torso Carry using a simple shawl. This is such a great, simple carry. After seeing this video, I immediately tried it with my 8 month old Julia and it was so comfortable. Quick, easy, comfortable, hands-free magic! Because torso carries do not involve the shoulders, this is a great carry for people with neck or shoulder trouble.
With a slightly longer fabric, you may want to wear your newborn in a wraparound position in the front or enjoy the ease a convenience of the rucksack carry on your back.
In a pinch, I have used a light throw blanket to wear my baby on my back for a much needed nap while visiting my in-laws. With a minimal time and expense you can and should use a Simple Piece of Cloth as a great way to carry your precious baby. Anyone else have stories (or resources) to share about using a Simple Piece of Cloth to carry baby?
For you more crafty folks, stay tuned next week for resources for sewing your own baby carrier.
Posted: June 10, 2008 | by
Filed under: Uncategorized |
Favorite Baby Carrier?
Q: What is your favorite baby carrier and why?
A: Let me start by saying I have never met a baby carrier I did not like. I firmly believe that each baby carrier is suited to some parent/baby pair out there. Everyone has their own preferences and mostly it is not about quality, just a matter of opinion, or sometimes just a matter of habit and familiarity. I love the huge variety of soft carriers out there and I get a kick out of trying all the fabulous new innovations. What I like conceptually however and what I actually grab when we leave the house are often two different things. Even though I have a mountain of carriers to choose from, I do indeed find myself reaching for the same few carriers. I find I have different favorites for different purposes (household chores, walking, traveling) and certainly for different ages.
My youngest child is 6 months old and my favorite carrier for her right now is my good old ring sling. Here she is in my beautiful silk ZoloWear sling. I love the versatility of my ring sling. I find it perfect for meeting the ever changing needs of my younger babies without ever having to take them out. I find it so convenient when we are out for extended periods of time because I can start her in the tummy to tummy position which she loves for quite some time, then when she has had enough I can loosen the top rail and lay her down in the fabric to discretely nurse her. At this point she usually dozes off and then I just retighten the sling and I haven’t missed a beat. Once she is asleep reclined, I can swing her to my back if I want to. Also, with these young, smaller babies (mine are usually under about 15 pounds at this point) I do not mind the weight and I am comfortable for long periods even though this is a one-shouldered carrier.
Just today I went up to my children’s elementary school for the end of the year parent teacher conferences. I had little Julia in tow so I grabbed my ring sling. I wore her in the hip carry into the building. As always when I trot out my sling covered baby, people commented on how cozy and happy she looked. Fifteen minutes into the first conference she got restless so I laid her down in the sling and nursed her with the tail of the sling offering us privacy. By the end of the conference she was full but obviously sleepy and increasingly fidgety. That is usually my cue to walk around a bit to settle her to sleep. As we stood in the hallway waiting for the second conference I positioned her reclined in the sling, head out away from the rings and began gently swinging her back and forth. I continued this standing for the first part of the second conference until she closed her eyes. I then gingerly sat with her asleep in the sling for the rest of the conference. She slept great, in fact she is still asleep draped across my lap still in the sling as I type this…making those sweet baby sleep noises.
Based on wearing my four children over the past seven years, here is the pattern that has emerged. I have focused on the first group in this post and will address the other two in future posts:
0-6 months: My favorites are the ring sling for outings, stretch wraparound carrier or mei tai for walks where I anticipate baby sleeping for the duration, and a traditional quilted Korean podaegi for early back carries.
6-12 months: Around nine months or so, I find myself reaching for my pouches instead of my ring sling. I start using my mei tai more often. Although I do like the soft structured carriers (SSC) I have tried I am just a creature of habit and end up reaching for my mei tais.
Toddler: Pouch, mei tai, rucksack carry in a woven wraparound carrier. When I carry my two year old, I reach most often for my mei tai. Yes, I have worn them together using two mei tais, the toddler on my back and the newborn on my front, but sheesh is that heavy! I only wear both if I can see no alternative and the screeching is intolerable. Mostly, they just take turns.
In the interest of brevity, I will limit myself to just a few favorites in each of these categories in no particular order. I do not mean to imply an inferior product by leaving out any carriers.
Ring slings: ZoloWear, Moms in Mind Sarong Carrier, new Maya Wrap lightly padded, TaylorMade Slings, Wise Woman Sling
Pouches: Slinglings, Hotslings, New Native Baby Carrier
Wraparounds: Gypsy Mama (stretch and woven), Didymos (woven)
Mei Tai: Kozy Carrier, BabyHawk
Soft Structured Carriers: Beco Baby Carrier, The ERGO Baby Carrier
You can find a more complete list of all the carriers I have tried and what I like about them here. So this is the long answer to the question of my favorite carrier written when my youngest is six months old. Ask me again in six months and I will bet I have another answer. How about you? What is your absolute favorite carrier? Have you found that it changes over time as your baby grows?
Posted: May 22, 2008 | by
Filed under: Uncategorized |
Wearing Baby At Work
Q: I am returning to my job shortly and will occasionally be slinging my baby on the days that I am in the office. Although I am very grateful that my employer is so open to this idea, I am also worried that despite having 3 babies worth of experience that I will run up against several obstacles. Do you have any tips for combining these two worlds?
A: Congratulations on your upcoming baby and on your decision to keep your baby with you when you return to the paid workforce. Your baby will certainly benefit from being close to you in these early months. This is a question that comes up often, the question of how to combine paid work with tending baby. I would like to share some of my thoughts based on both personal experience and the experiences of other mothers who have shared their stories with me.
At the core, tending to your baby while at work requires essentially the same set of tasks as tending to your baby at home. Whether at work or at home, you are faced with the age old question of trying to “get something done” while tending a newborn. But the stakes are higher because you are beholden to someone… you are being paid and thus you are accountable. Here are some suggestions to get started:
Maximize your maternity leave.
Be kind to yourself! Remember, taking care of a newborn is hard work no matter what the circumstances. One of my strongest memories of those early months was trying to get something done (other than tending the baby!) and never feeling too successful. Essentially, you are doing two jobs at once. Although you are not the first (or the last) mama to multitask, it is important to keep your expectations realistic
Accept right now that you will not be able to work at 100%. Even if you are incredibly productive and your baby’s age and temperament are perfectly suited to your work environment, you will still have to take the time to tend to your baby’s needs: diaper changes, clothing changes, position changes, soothing, etc.
Be flexible. Consider your baby’s age and temperament. It may be helpful to think ahead and plan different tasks at different times based on baby’s mood. Ask yourself: What can I get done when I am nursing, letting baby doze on nursing pillow? (This might be a good time to work at your desk.) What can I get done walking, bouncing, soothing baby in sling? (If baby is not being too vocal, just needing the walking and bouncing, this is a good time to return phone calls, make a trip to the break room/ the rest room/ the coffee pot/ a colleagues desk, etc) Where can I retreat if baby and I need to regroup? (So you can relatch a nursing bra strap, nurse a distractible baby, change a diaper).
Consider your set-up careful and have these helpful tools on hand. You will need a safe/clean spot to set down baby. I really used my wraparound nursing pillow while working at the computer so baby could nurse and nap. Nursing clothes with strategically placed nursing slits can facilitate discrete nursing on the job. You will want to bring along a familiar baby carrier and use your tried and true positions. Remember, babywearing is a tool not a solution. There will be times where it works well and times when it does not work so well. Some activities naturally lend themselves well to wearing your baby, usually those activities include motion: teaching, speaking at conferences (been there, done that!), standing at a reception desk. Desk work is not as obvious. Probably your best bet is planning to do most of your seated work while baby is nursing or already asleep in the sling. As baby gets older, you can anticipate naps and get baby settled on your back to maximize naps.
I came across this great article about on the job parenting, with these useful tips.
Most of all, keep your sense of humor and enjoy your precious bundle. Any one else have ideas for combining baby care with “getting something else done?”
Posted: May 13, 2008 | by
Filed under: Uncategorized |
Tips for Slinging Your Newborn
Q: I tried putting my three week old, eight pound newborn in my ring sling in the cradle position (reclined, head towards the rings), and he hated it! He cried and fussed. I really want to wear my baby not only for the convenience but also for the closeness. Do you have any suggestions?
A: Sure! Here are some tips that have worked well with my own newborns as well as many others. First: Turn that baby around so that his head is away from the rings. Most newborns prefer this position for several reasons. The first is that it allows them to recline more fully. As you can see here in the photo of Heidi with five week old Remy, the back of the head is properly aligned with the spine. Make sure the sling is tightened up properly. Baby should be riding above your belly button. A sling that is too loose is not only uncomfortable for you and baby (babies often balk at the sensation of freely swinging and swaying and prefer the security of a snug sling), but there is also the risk of baby falling through the too-loose folds of fabric.
Secondly, baby’s head is resting easily in the fabric near the surface, baby is not lost in the deep fabric of the typical cradle position. In fact, I often recommend that you try starting with baby’s head out of the sling initially. Many babies dislike the sensation of having their head tucked in. Put baby in the sling with his head slightly out, support his head in the crook of your elbow and then start the baby dance: walking, moving and gently bouncing baby until he is contently settled in the sling and then when he is asleep, you can tuck his little head in and be hands free.
I prefer newborns to be in this reversed position because mom has a clear view of baby’s nose and mouth and can easily verify that he is breathing comfortably. This is also one of the easiest positions for discrete nursing. Simply pull up on the rings to loosen the sling, move your clothing out of the way and latch baby on. You may use the tail of your ring sling to cover you and baby for added privacy. You may want to practice nursing baby in the sling at home before you attempt it in public. I certainly consider nursing in a sling to be “advanced” babywearing.
If you have a pouch style sling instead of a ring sling, you can approximate the nice shallow pouch necessary for a newborn: Just pull the excess fabric up against mom’s chest before placing baby in the pouch. This way, most of the fabric is up against mom and baby’s head is nice and high, riding near the surface of the fabric pouch.
Some other tips for helping a baby adjust to a sling include: Do as much adjusting of the sling as possible before putting baby in. Most babies have limited patience for fussing with the carrier and with positioning. Try to start learning when baby is rested and fed. As we all know, a crabby baby is in no mood to accept any new ideas. Practice in front of a mirror. Watch experienced babywearers. Once baby is in, get moving. The best way to become an expert babywearer is to wear your baby often!
Any one else care to chime in? What tips worked well for you when you were wearing your newborns in a ring sling?
Posted: April 22, 2008 | by
Filed under: Newborn, ring sling |
Mei Tais are Contagious
It is hard to resist the appeal of a Mei Tai. Baby can be worn comfortably on the front or back (even in a hip carry, if you are feeling adventurous). Baby’s weight is supported on both of your shoulders and there is less fabric than a wraparound. On the left, 8 month old baby Henry is riding on his mama Aubrey’s back in an EllaRoo, newborn Eleanor (center) is snug in her Kozy, and 5 month old baby boy is enjoying his ride in a MamaByDesign. If you have never tried a Mei Tai, you are in for a pleasant surprise.
Posted: April 3, 2008 | by
Filed under: EllaRoo, Kozy, MamaByDesign, Mei Tai |
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